Choices that Last

"I Choose Us" - Jack, in The Family Man

Ten years ago today I married my best friend.

It was a choice I'd made months before, in truth before she made her choice to marry me. The choice carried with it the responsibility of two kids from her first marriage, age 3 and 2 at the time - a choice I made easily, knowing we would be able to create a successful family since they were still both at such young ages.

Over the years, we chose to add four more children to our family, one about every two years. We've chosen to stop, but I'd wouldn't change a single choice when it comes to the children God has loaned to me.

10 years means 3650 days of choosing to stay married. Choosing to love during the triumphs and the defeats. Choosing to love through the occasional lovers quarrel, and the occasional lover's all-out war. Choosing to love through challenge, through sickness, through uncertainty, though pain. Choosing to focus on blessings and joy and victories no matter their size.

Choosing to marry Kristi was the best choice I've ever made, and she reinforces that choice everyday. Marriage, love, commitment...all are choices both sides must make each day, each hour, each minute.

No matter what the past has brought, no matter the present circumstances, no matter the future - I stand firm to choose Kristi, over and over again.

Happy Anniversary, my dear.

Announcing the Go Ahead and Laugh Teleseminar!

Fellow speaking coach Felicia Slattery is going to be interviewing me next week (December 14th, 9 pm Eastern) about adding humor to speeches using my book, Go Ahead and Laugh, as the textbook.

I'm excited to get to work with Felicia, and if you know anything about either of us, you know its going to be all kinds of fun, and filled with creative ways for you to get your audiences to Go Ahead and Laugh!

If you can't make the call, register anyway, and you'll receive a link to the free replay within a day or so of the event. Click here to register TODAY!

Champion of Choice Challenge 3.0 Update

My three Foundational Footsteps were:
1. Write and release an ebook for my wife
2. Write and release Speak & Deliver: A Public Speaking Book for the Speaking Public
3. Create an amazing Christmas for my family

Amazing how much has changed since then...
I'm still focused on my wife's book, but now it's a hold in your hand version. I've put my own book on the backburner to the point I'd forgotten I was going to have it done by end of the year. I'm still creating an amazing Christmas for the kids, though.


Blogging is a big part of what I want to get going by end of December - I've been sporadic, at best. Daily blogs are my goal, or more. Don't know if I'll ever be Chris Brogan-esque, but we'll do what suits the audience.


I've also gotten more serious about my weight, and have been using the Atkins plan to lose weight. It was all the rage 10-12 years ago - drop the carbs, put your body into ketosis and burn the fat quickly. It's working so far. 11 lbs in 9 days, even with my cheat day eating my daughters birthday cake yesterday...and having some popcorn. I started at 248, and am looking at 220 by end of month.


I'm working on a couple websites, and am determined to start my newsletter that so many of you have signed up for since April. Those are some goals I'm working specifically with my Accountability Partner on. 


I'm working on a few other projects as well, but these few are still my focus, and have long-term ramifications. It may be the end of the year, but now is a great time to ramp up instead of down. Why wait until January, when you can be ahead of the game by starting right now.


I honored Jim Rohn in my Speak & Deliver blog today - was big on choices as well:

Is Tiger Still A Champion?

I have followed Tiger Woods since he tied for 60th at the Milwaukee Open back in 1996. I have blogged about him, his attitude, his skills, and his competitive spirit.

I have never blogged about his character, other than how it is displayed on the course. I've ignored the cursing and club throwing, understanding the intense pressure he is under from outside and from within each time he tees it up.

Now, he's a week into his worst situation ever - media bombardment, the fickleness of fans, and the ramifications cheating on his wife will have on his family, most important of all (to me).

I do not find it to be my place to judge Tiger, sympathize with Tiger, or defend Tiger.

However, he has provided us with an amazing example of what happens when our choices don't align with our overall goals (or what he has put out there as his goals - I suppose he would be dead on if his goals were to become a virtual sports god and then risk it all by conducting an extra-marital affair).

A week ago, our perception of Tiger was still pristine, and about to get another shine with his Tournament this week that benefits the Tiger Woods Foundation, which largely benefits kids education.

Today, his endorsements, his ability to draw fans, his focus to his craft, and his marriage are all at risk. His legacy has changed forever. Just as Kobe Bryant may never truly out-play his rape trial, no matter how many championships he wins, Tiger may forever be seen as the fallen angel.

Of course, he still has choices. Moving forward, he can make some great choices, as can any of us who have made mistakes of all types and varying degrees in our past. He's already making choices, and they are being scrutinized every second, from his communication on his website to reports of his pre-nuptial agreement rewrite, a large payment to Elin, his supermodel wife, and immersion into marriage counseling.

What he does from this point one will determine his future, just as his past choices have determined, in all of its mayhem and stress, his present. He has to live with his choices, past and future, just as we live with our own.

Two things to think about:

1. Learn from Tiger. Align your choices with your ultimate goal - whether it's to become a revered golfing legend, a successful entrepreneur, or a great dad and husband. Don't let your short-term choices short-circuit your long-term success.

2. Monitor the Big Choices with the Big Consequences. After all, no matter how many titles Tiger wins, how much money, how many people he helps - these Big Choices will always be carried somewhere in his golf bag.

Tiger is still a champion. Whether he will be a Champion of Choice is up to him.

Who the Champion of Choice Really Is

When this all began back in May, I called myself The Champion of Choice. I have struggled with that 'title' because I've been so concerned with viewing it as a title, when, in fact, it is an action.

I champion choice. I fully believe we have the power to choose every action everyday, and we can deconstruct the present state of our lives based on the choices we have made, or chosen not to make. I know I am where I am right now because of each choice I've made. Continuing this blog is one of those choices.

Even after deleting the posts and videos from the first challenge, which I already regret, there is enough in this blog to let people know I'm not as financially successful as Tony Robbins, Ed Tate, or even OctoMom. Well, maybe OctoMom.

Do I want a meeting planner, corporation, or potential coaching client to read past posts know that I'm not an all-out success yet? That I still have goals I'm pursuing, and the big house, fast car, and massive bank account don't yet exist? That I'm still at the beginning of this journey, as opposed to being inundated with bookings and enjoying the speaker life in full? All it takes is a quick look at this blog, and they can see what struggles I face, without yet acquiring all the victories I aspire to achieve. (Of course, I don't have meeting planners bothering right now, since many of those goals revolve around marketing, but that's beside the point.)

Beyond this blog, the silver screen is lurking. Next year, a movie called SpeakEasy will come out, and it won't be hindered by my fear. It's a documentary about Public Speaking, with the storyline of the 2008 World Championship of Public Speaking as its overriding silver thread. I wasn't doing great during this time of my life financially, and was facing personal and family health challenges (some we knew about, some we didn't) throughout. Anyone who sees that movie will see a very stressed-out version of me in the midst of crisis. Of course, the viewer can also see it as "wow, he made it to the World Championship even through all that crap?"

There's no hiding from reality. I'm a financially strapped speaker/coach who can speak with the best of 'em, and inspire and coach others to transform their thought process and speaking skills in ways they never thought possible. Really. I hear that, or a version of that, every time.

I have allowed my present reality to hold me back, essentially extending my reality. My choice has been fear. Fear of being 'found out'. Fear that my competition will point to me and say "if he were really that good, would he be where he is?"

The reality of my reality, however, has nothing to do with talent or ability. It has to do with fear. Fear of not being credible, fear of investing everything and coming up empty, fear of giving others too much to judge. That means I haven't made the choices to succeed.

I've had enough. Because there isn't an audience out there that wouldn't benefit from what I have to say, there isn't a speaker I couldn't help improve in some way, regardless of my bank balance or stress level. Sound arrogant? I've been afraid of that too. No more.

So read the blog. Watch the movie. But remember to talk to my clients, too. Read Speak & Deliver, and my wife's blog Thriving with Neurofibromatosis. Follow me on Twitter, friend me on Facebook. See who I really am. My life proves my own philosophy - our future is ours to create by choice. I've made the choices to survive. The choice to hold onto my family without losing grip of my dream. The choice to build my wife's dreams even as I pursue my own. But ultimately, the choice to fear failure so intensely I have failed by not charging forward with every ounce of energy. Which brings us to now.

The choice I'm making today, December 1st, 2009, is to stop being afraid of reality, in order to build a new one.

What is your reality? What can you do better than anything else, regardless of any other circumstances in your life? What choices are you making out of fear?

The future belongs to The Champions. The Champions of Choice.

Challenge 3.0 Update

This has been a down week compared to last week, quite honestly. With kids only going to school half-days all week, and doc appts. Mon, Tue, Thur., leaving me here with two young kids for the other half of the days, my focus has been virtually non-existent.

This morning, Kristi took the two young kids with Braden for yet another doc appt., and has given me a chance to write, which is the only reason this blog post exists!

Since my personal focus has been off, I've been putting it more on the kids and Kristi this week. The e-book I was going to do with Kristi has switched to a real (albeit self-published) book that will be available mid-January. I have been sending her out by herself to sit and write, and molding the form of the book in my spare moments. We have built tremendous momentum on this project.

Yeah, I can sit back and wish I'd blogged more, or started my book, or any number of other things, but I'd rather focus on what's working. This book is something we dreamed up in August, but simply wasn't going anywhere until this week. By changing the choices we were making, shifting our focus, we have been able to light a fire under this project.

Success one step at a time - one Choice at a time.

The Choice of True Heroes

image credit: jcolman

I wear shorts a lot. If I don't have a business meeting, I'm in shorts, 12 months a year. One result of this habit is that I get a lot of comments on my super-deluxe, robot leg. Particularly from veterans. The assumption is that I lost it on the battlefield, of course. I did not, and I always tell them straight-away, and thank them for their service.

I chose to remove the lower half of my left leg. It was the best choice available to me to live a fuller life.

Veterans made a choice to serve their country. It may or may not have been the best choice available to them, but it was a choice they consciously made. The choice to serve in the military is bigger than enlisting, though, bigger than service.

Their choice isn't even just to sacrifice - it's a choice to be WILLING to sacrifice. They know they are sacrificing their time, sweat, and energy. What they can't be certain of, despite an awareness of it, is they may sacrifice their own leg in battle, or their ability to walk, or their mental health, or their very life. The choice to be willing to sacrifice, without so much as a moments notice, is what makes our Veterans True Heroes.

I never had the choice to make this choice - 4F all the way, physically. I thank God there are so many of YOU, so many of THEM, who have made these choices, so that I can make mine.

God Bless You.